


lovin' is bible

by dearlybewitched



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/F, Fluff, basically i have too many songs that make me go insane over beaujester, i guess??, listen its about the devotion, this was brought to you by doctor who feelings and also by the band the aces
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:01:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22442254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearlybewitched/pseuds/dearlybewitched
Summary: Beau always considered faith something too precious to be placed recklessly.(inspired by beau's "i follow jester" moment from 56 bc it's one of my favs)
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 1
Kudos: 75





	lovin' is bible

Beau always considered faith something too precious to be placed recklessly.

When she was a little girl, Beau used to believe the fairy tales she read in the books given to her. She was fascinated by stories of epic battles that ended in massive feasts and happy families, star crossed lovers reuniting and good conquering all. She fantasised about going into the world and changing it herself, like the heroines she read about. She had so many ideas… if only her father would let her try.

-

As a teenager, entering her rebel phase, Beau realized fairytales were useless. If they were true, her mother wouldn't have ended up with her father, but with someone heroic and kind. If they were true, she wouldn't spend her life balancing books and disappointing her father. She wouldn't feel so empty inside all the time. If they were true, she wouldn't have to pretend not to desire a love story too - except hers wouldn't look like what her father had in mind. Nothing she wanted seemed to; Beau felt sick at the mere thought of having to marry a boring, pretentious merchant and being expected to live for him.  
So Beau tried to make sense of the world through science: her studies included alchemy and chemistry and astrology, and for a small period of time she actually threw herself into those books, looking to find a place to deposit her faith.

-

But science wasn't that reliable in the world she lived in, either; though she didn't practice magic herself, she could see it every day and everywhere, taunting her, daring her to try to make sense of rules that could be broken at basically any point. She even argued with some of her professors, who insisted that magic was, in itself, also science, or that science was its own type of magic. She could see how people saw it that way, but that didn't mean it was satisfactory. Every time her father would look at her with disdain, she couldn't help but wonder if she simply wasn't smart enough to grasp those concepts.  
That's why when she was sent to the Cobalt Soul, broken and hollow and alone, Beau tried to channel what little faith she had left into institutions. Maybe that way she could finally do some good in the world, be an honorable person - by being a part of something bigger. By helping those institutions organize the world and help its people, even if in a small way. Maybe she could go back home one day and show her father that she had accomplished something.  
Beau soon found out, however, that institutions, no matter how polished and shiny they might appear on the outside, are infested with corruption and power hungry men. It made her sick.  
-

After meeting the Mighty Nein, Beau envied some of her friends for their patrons and gods: Caduceus had the comforting presence of the Wild Mother and, now, so did Fjord; Jester seemed to have a loyal friend in the Traveler, no matter how ominous he sounded sometimes; even Yasha had someone to talk and plead to when she was alone and scared, being followed by tempests as proof that the Stormlord looked over her.

Beau was happy for them, and she could appreciate various gods she knew of, but it felt like if she tried to turn into a proper follower of one - at least right now - it wouldn't be genuine. It didn't matter, she reasoned with herself, since she'd run out of faith a long time ago.

And then, one day, she realized she hadn't. Watching Jester come up with another one of her ridiculous plans, Beau knew she believed wholeheartedly in all of them; not necessarily in the sense that they would work, but in that they were so purely _Jester_ : they brought a smile to everyone around, they were silly and fun and brave. Beau realized she worshipped each one of Jester's freckles, and if they were stars, Jester was an entire universe Beau wanted to spend her life discovering each corner of. She realized, not with crippling unease, as she might have thought, but with fondness, that Jester had saved her in more ways than one. That day, Beau realized what she had known for a long time: she would go to the end of the world and beyond for that tiefling, would die and kill and cheat and steal for her, and as long as Jester needed - or wanted her - Beau would live for her, too. And if that's not devotion, what is?

So when asked about her faith, Beau's answer felt as natural and ancient as her own consciousness: "I follow Jester".


End file.
